@LoveNLunchmeat: You could murder someone in California and they wouldn't even arrest you as long as you properly composted the body.
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@Shot_Of_Cabo: Impress your wife by cleaning something she just cleaned and then proudly announce, "There! Now it's clean."
@Mehrwane: Facebook: You have more friends on Facebook than you think. Me: You have higher expectations than you think.
@fantasesay: Beyoncé: I cannot wait to slum it with some earth mortals at - wait what is it called again? Jay-Z: Coachella. Beyoncé: Coachella.
@AndrewChamings: [shark tank] me: ridiculously wide sunglasses shark 1: i'm out shark 2: i'm out hammerhead shark: i'm listening