SOLDIER DYING IN MY ARMS: tell everyone of my bravery
[me 3 months later]
I think he had a brewery
you couldn’t be more wrong, i on the other hand could be far more wrong due to my incredibly vast stupidity
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“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.
Wife: What do you want to do for Cinco de Mayo?
Me: *sits on the couch and scratches in Spanish*
I don’t think The Proclaimers realized how far 500 miles really is.
Algebra,trignometry, and calculus are responsible for more doctors than the actual love for the profession.
I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
I go under the police tape, approach the chalk outlined body, and flash my subway sandwich card.
“Ok what do we got here?”
Why do Asian people never seem to age?
I met a chinese girl today & I estimate her age to be somewhere between 4 & 197.
This made me laugh and that’s all we need some days.
Preschool Registration form: What’s one word you would use to describe your child?
*writes in all caps: RELENTLESS.