Tell me twitter, just how the f am I similar to a Buick dealership?
You could’ve cut the atmosphere with a knife; disapproval radiated from every doorway. I’d missed cat feeding time by two hours.
You Might Also Like
The next time somebody complains about millennials, maybe remind them which generation linoleumed over all those beautiful hardwood floors.
professor x: what’s your power?
jk rowling: i can rewrite the past of fictional characters
gay professor x : interesting
Son: Daddy can I have a balloon?
Me: If you’re good.
Son: Good at what?
Me: Buying your own balloons
What idiot called it “salad” and not “la sad”
Me: okay yeah, cool Wu Tang shirt bro, bet you can’t even name one song.
6 month old baby: ……..
7-year-old: I won breakfast!
Me: You can’t win breakfast. You just eat it.
7: Said the loser.
Kid: WAAAHH! MY TOY IS BROKEN!!
Dad: Nothing a little duct tape won’t fix…
cop: anything you say will be used against you in a court of law
me: incompetent lawyer
me: tainted evidence
cop: [into walkie] c-can he do that
Evidently, trying to schedule parent/teacher conference over drinks and “we’ll see what happens” is considered inappropriate.