@AngelaEhh
@gitson_shiggles
Still trying to convince my boss that I’m just using beer-flavoured toothpaste.
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@gitson_shiggles
@spaceboyriley
Executioner: say your last words
Me: your last words
Executioner: I’m gonna enjoy this one
@iAmDelFreaky
I was practicing moves on a stripper pole, when all of a sudden I heard a loud ringing. Then 3 firemen fell from the sky and crushed me.
@JimmerThatisAll
This day in history. 1914. The first WWI trenches were dug if you don’t count the one my grandfather was already hiding from the officers in
@DarthSteveus
Jehovah’s witnesses don’t celebrate Halloween…I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
@Ieehynes
jvais m’évanouir
@Brenton_Rodgers
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
@ericsshadow
Me: I love you so much
Calories: I love you more
@urmumsausername
The bananas in my fruit bowl were overripe
Fruit flies everywhere!
I tried to kill them
But I just ended up giving them a round of applause