You don’t know how to properly recycle cardboard? Let me break it down for you

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*checking out*
Card Reader: Would you like to donate $1.00 to Charity X? ? Y ? N
*enters N*
CR: Are u a selfish prick? ? Y ? N


“MAKE GOOD CHOICES!!”, I screamed from inside the cop car


*slides a cheese slice with my number written on it in your pocket*


7: I wanna watch a movie

Me: its late, sleep


M: fine *puts in Texas Chainsaw Massacre* goodnight you little shit


If I have learned anything in life it’s don’t throw away your fat clothes


What is “Fine”

I’ll take passive-aggressive responses for $800, Alex…


If only ISIS had kidnapped Liam Neeson’s daughter, none of this would be an issue.


Him: What’s that, Boy? Timmy fell down the well?
Lassie: Well I said “reservoir,” but if you need it dumbed down for you, sure.