Me: please just one more wish
Genie: no, I said 3
Me: [holding my new Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Donatello action figures] Genie please
You get the public restroom all to yourself if you sing Happy Birthday to your poops.
You Might Also Like
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow…
For eggplant your guests will love, lightly brush with olive oil, toss in the air and blast that bad boy with your ankle piece.
me: *doing donuts*
instructor: what the hell?!
me: i thought i saw a cop
[dog on trial for murder]
lawyer: who’s a good boy?
dog: I am
lawyer: your honor I rest my case
I will ride you like a helicopter. Totally out of control.
“Do me a solid” just sounds like you’re asking someone to poop for you and that’s kinda gross.
What’s the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?
Trump wouldn’t pay $1000 to have a lentil on his face.
ME: [brutally murdered by police for no reason]
MEDIA: Man Involved in Yesterday’s Curfuffle Had Troubling History of Pot Use and Cursing
omg leave her alone