Interviewer: tell me a little about yourself.
Me: I’d rather not. I kinda want this job.
You got acute appendicitis ..
No, YOU got a cute appendicitis *winks at doctor*
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Wife: The police are here asking about a break in at the pet store
Me from within a pile of puppies: Tell them I’m not here.
Top five movies that could
easily have been about @ ‘ers :
-One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
Angel: These things don’t really do anything other than sting people
God: We’re running out of college mascots
Some say Obama is the biggest liar of all time..
I say, the person who chose the spelling of, “Colonel” is the biggest liar of all time
BUZZ LIGHTYEAR: To infinity and beyond!
ME: Nothing is beyond infinity, I demand realism in my talking toy movie
interviewer: how are you with excel
me: i hate it
interviewer: an experienced user then
My 4-year-old was crying when his favorite pair of pants no longer fit him and I was like, “Dude, I get it. I totally get it.”
Finding Nemo (2003) A father is criticized for being overprotective after his wife & kids are murdered & his only surviving son is kidnapped
Bat 1: Do you ever think God made us blind so that we may see the world for what it truly is?
Bat 2: (startled) who said that