Me: I’ve been tired for 10 years.
Kid: Hey, that’s how old I am!
You Might Also Like
god: ..and this part is your crust
earth: i’m a pizza 🙂
god: no that’s-
earth: everybody loves pizza 😀
earth: i’ll be treated so good forever and ever :’)
god: [deep breath in] here’s the thing
My husband is the nicest guy that I could ever dream of (murdering).
Me: Haha hate it when I walk into a room and then forget what I came in for.
Executioner: Seriously these are your last words?
ME: Really? W o w
JUDGE: *annoyed* Sir, the word is Bourgeoisie
ME:*clears throat* Eff – U – See – Kay – U
I love when I open my dryer door and money falls out instead of my cat.
“Your name is Duck?”
“Got it. Duck”
Go fuGG yourself
“Haha. Classic Duck”
If u think ur parents did nothing for you, remember Jackie Shrof named his son Tiger and Bappi Da named his son Bappa. Respect your parents
Me: Gluten Morgen!
Wife: You made waffles, didn’t you?
Me: *in my breakfast lederhosen* Ja!
SORTING HAT: this kid’s a piece of shit uh I mean slytherin