@Pork_Chop_Hair: You hate me: I’m the person that gets stuck in the slide at a water park. Everyone smashes into the back of me and we ooze down the slide in a sad people pile. I’m so sorry.
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@perlapell: Hey Young Girls, when a first date suggests you two go to "your place", take him to Target.
@mellimelle: In case anyone asks, we found these dead hookers while we were digging holes in the woods.
@8goingon80: Wife: "Happiness doesn't come in boxes" Me: *whispers to Cheez-Its "We leave at sundown."
@Pork_Chop_Hair: If a guy says he'll take you to pound town, ask for details about the puppies. I'm not taking that trip unless there're puppies.