Steps for reading articles:
1. Accept cookies
2. Block notifications
3. Deny location to website
4. Decline invitation to subscribe
5. Stop auto-playing video ads/mute sound
6. Dismiss reminder of free articles remaining
7. Shrink drop down banner
8. Click “read more”
9. Give up
You have to kiss a lot of short, black, flamboyant musicians before you can find your Prince.
You Might Also Like
If I ever visit Japan, the first thing I’ll do is run through those paper walls pretending I’m the Kool-Aid man.
People are always impressed to hear that I graduated from Harvard at 16, but you can do anything you set your mind to if you just lie.
Look UPS guy, you can’t just show up at someone’s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
If you don’t want me to sing at your kids then don’t name them Roxanne.
I can’t pet a cat without plotting world domination.
It’s like my pet hippo doesn’t even realise it’s my pet.
DOCTOR: Please be quiet while I stitch up your face.
If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain, that’s fine but your piña colada is going to get watered down.
Michael Cera, too timid to send his food back even though he’s allergic to almonds, eats a meal and politely goes into anaphylactic shock.
the human has started opening and shutting the garage door. pretending to have just gotten home. because they missed how excited that makes me