@AbbeYaar

You haven’t seen a woman overreact until you’ve told a woman she’s overreacting.

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@ddsmidt

Him: I’d prefer that you just remain unapologetic instead of offering up some non-apology.

Me: I’m sorry you feel that way.

@Tmoney68

Turducken? My food rules are few, but I’d put “don’t eat a food with ‘turd’ in its name” in my top 5.

@T_Bonezzz_

SPELLING BEE

“Defiant”

Can I have the definition, please?

“No”

@LostCatDog

It’s a comfort knowing Dad is looking down on me, but we should probably cut his hang-glider out of that tree one of these days.

@inanimatecorpse

Blind date.

Oh, this is awkward

Chewbacca:

What i meant…

Chewbacca:

When I said i was looking for a big dog person was..

Chewbacca:

@AllanForsyth

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

@smuttercup

If anyone needs any morals, I have some I’m not using.