boys love girls who go barefoot in the summer and comment on the texture of grass and say “ouch rocks” when walking on rocks
You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? I’m like that, but with salad.
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I wonder if Batman ever saw the Batsignal and thought ‘I’ve literally just sat down.”
him: what did you do all day?
*steps aside to reveal 12 cats taped together*
Me: it’s a purrrramid!
Thieves have removed motorway signs in Yorkshire. Police are currently searching for Leeds.
my only hobby is seeing how close i can get to squirrels before they run away
The monocle was popular in the 1800’s because ears hadn’t been invented yet.
Need expensive surgery? Tell a surgeon you’re auditioning a few before picking one. Have them do the surgery then say “OK I’ll let you know”
A new study shows dolphins have great memory. Memories include “Swam in water” and “Ate”.
People who genetically engineer food, why don’t you make celery that tastes like Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups? I bet that would shut people up
Old Black men vs. Technology is the most heated rivalry in human history.