@Mr_Kapowski
Me: Time for bed
Brain: Ok
Brain: PSST. EVER WONDER IF EARTH’S TECTONIC PLATES WON’T BE ABLE TO SUPPORT THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE ON EARTH?!
@envydatropic
You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores?
Same. But I’m in a liquor store.
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@Mr_Kapowski
@Darlainky
I’m smart. Just not remembers how to write a cursive Z, smart.
@JJSummertime
Me: I’m going to bed after this episode.
Netflix: Hahahahahaha! Sure. Ok.
@TheToddWilliams
[first date]
HER: I totally love Nirvana
ME: Oh yeah? Name one of their albums
HER: Nevermind
ME Okay, forget about it then
@TheTweetOfGod
Just updated My Facebook status from “Single” to “In a Trinity”. #wayoverdue
@ron_humphrey
We’re living in two Stephen King novels. The Dead Zone and The Stand. If clowns show up I’m done.
@illTortuga
I just made way too much pasta, so if you haven’t eaten dinner yet, swing by and watch me eat way too much pasta.
@froghammer
People used to be much smaller. WWII people were a foot shorter. Medieval people were basically hobbits. Jesus was the size of a cat.
@KeetPotato
[24hr news channel]
news just in..
*director repeats himself into headset*
news justin
*justin just sits there*
READ THE NEWS JUSTIN
@Shock_Monster
Him: Come check out my church!
Me:
Him: They play rock music!
Me:
Him: It’s cool!
Me: Does it have church in it?
Him: Yes…
Me: *click*