Curiosity gave the cat slightly high blood pressure but nothing to be concerned about.
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
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Moose: Sorry, I need to quit this yoga class.
Yoga Instructor: NahMooseStay!
My BFF asked me to watch her purse while she went to the bathroom.
I asked her what it was going to do.
I’m hilarious. Everyone says so.
“You are terrible at metaphors.”
“Wow. Jealousy is a bad moustache on you.”
Neighbor: “You washing your car?”
Me: “No. I’m watering it to see if it grows into a bus.”
Psychology majors be like damn I can’t even be mad at you bc I know why you reacted the way you did
The wind blew a smart car into my lane and I had to roll down my window and swat it out of the way.
Why do some people call it a “tuna-fish” sandwich? It’s not like anyone calls it a “chicken-bird” sandwich.
The first caterpillar to turn into a butterfly must of been like YOOOOOOOOO
sure you can PAY for a professional photographer, OR you can just lie spread out in a field until 1 finds u and just starts taking pictures