@DukEB51: You know you're getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
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@2tickytacky: I had to memorize a random 18 digit password before she'd let me in. Guess who stole your Soap Opera Digest out of the mailbox, Mom?
@Douchekevin: Four 6 year old girls playing quietly at 7am is called a horde of elephants having a foot race.
@NewDadNotes: [watching Olympic Figure Skating] Me: HOLY CRAP!!! THAT ROUTINE WAS INCREDIBLE!!! T.V. Announcer Johnny Weir: it’s obvious to everyone how awful that routine was Me: oh
@XplodingUnicorn: [loud crashes] Me: What was that? 4-year-old: Nothing. Me: 4: Me: OK. Parenting is easier than it looks.