Imagine a world without pizza.
No, no, stop crying this was just pretend I’M SORRY TRY AND CONTROL YOURSELF I’M SORRY
You know you’re tired when you kneel on the ground pick something up and then have to decide if it’s easier to get up or just live there now
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How to get out of jury duty: When they read the charges, no matter what they are, yell out
“Oh come on. Even I’ve done THAT!”
*builds a fort out of paper towel packages at store*
*coerces other customers to bring me cheese samples in exchange for fort privileges*
If I could have any superpower, I would pick China.
Here’s a poem in the shape of a Christmas tree. It’s called ‘Needles’.
me: i miss being in a relationship im lo-
*elephant charges and runs me over*
me: *lying on ground* oh right that’s what it feels like, thanks for the reminder mr bubbles
These cats just swagged into the room like they had some serious yolo’ing to do.
Q: Why did Snape stand in the middle of the road? A: So you’ll never know which side he’s on.
You Had One Job!