You like me?

*has a conversation with you where I’m completely me.

*never hears from you again.

Right then. That’s sorted.

You Might Also Like


I took my kids’ screens away so we could spend some quality time together and it turns out they are really terrible to be around


If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes, take my fitbit with you.


Confession: I’ve said “Can’t wait!” about things I actually could wait for.



ME, OBSESSED WITH CLIMATE CHANGE: *dies more meaningfully*


It’s going to be so disappointing if we ask aliens about crop circles and they’re just like, “We hate corn.”


Listening to my husband’s gorilla snoring and contemplating if I could record it and sell to the FBI as an alternative to waterboarding.


Her: I like smart guys
Me [eats soup with a fork & pretends I understood Interstellar]: thats what happens if u get stuck behind a bookcase


The Roman Empire: was not built in one day

The Ramen Empire: ready in 3 minutes



Me: [spooning her] Baby, you up?

Her: [playfully] Maaaaybe.

Me: Cool. I heard a noise downstairs, can you go check it out?


anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer