Big shout-out to the guy in Costco buying a lifetime supply of what he thinks are the right size diapers.
You mean the world to me.
Wife: You’re talking to the tacos aren’t you?
This is correct.
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Sometimes, I feel like everything is garbage & I get overwhelmed but then I imagine how I’d feel if I was a raccoon and suddenly, being surrounded by garbage isn’t so bad. In fact, by raccoon standards, being surrounded by garbage is actually great. Life is about perspective.
AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
People with nuclear weapons are now effectively calling each other poopy pants. I’m gonna stop coming to work now.
But me dragging my kids into school.
BREAKING: Pluto is once again a regular planet.
“It was always huge & full sized!” said one dwarf planet scientist with a fake mustache.
[First day as a plumber]
Boss: What’s wrong?
Me: *tearing up* This is nothing like Mario.
Cat that has never been so insulted in all nine of its lives of the day.
My favorite exchange on Twitter today.
“tell me doc, is it bad news?”
“you’ve got piles”
“piles of health that is! LOL”
“except in your legs. gonna have to amputate those”