Hell yeah I’m a catholic i’ve been addicted to cats my whole life
You never realize how many people you hate until you try to name a child.
You Might Also Like
My toddler just asked me “mummy why do people think falsely attributing quotes to my preschool peers lends their bad opinions authenticity?”
3yo: Dad, have you ever seen a dinosaur?
ME: No. No one has. They lived during a different time.
3yo: How sad–
ME: Well it’s a liitle sad, but that’s the circle of life; & if dinosaurs had not perished, we probably wouldn’t–
3yo: How sad no one knows what dinosaurs taste like.
Squirrels run around like they’re being chased. Nobody cares about you. You live in tree. Get a job
Autocorrect changed “I’ll make better tweets” to “I’ll bake better tweets” so now I suspect my tweets are also cake.
[driving] Goddamn pedestrians
[walking] Goddamn drivers
[both] Goddamn cyclists
ADHD in the streets
Naughty fr…so hey, does anyone want to play Sonic the Hedgehog?
Kids are home for two weeks while their school is being cleaned. I want to blame the virus but in reality, Corona is how I wound up with three kids in the first place.
Wtf has just happened😳
Me: I’m depressed
Doctor: I’m going to inject you with dog DNA
Me: How will that help?!
Doctor: Who’s a good boy?
Me: I AM