We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@better_off_dad: ‘You probably have to pee soon, huh?’
~ The monster under my bed
@nbadag: [me at 22]
in a hurry, better run up this flight of stairs
[me at 32]
i threw out my back because the toaster startled me
@TheWeirdWorld: If gym equipment were invisible, then gyms would look like silent raves.
@bumble_weed: [walks into ex-girlfriends parents house]
[takes my space jam VHS and leaves]
@KeetPotato: wife: "you promised you wouldnt buy anything stupid with our lottery winnings"
me: [covering penguin's ears] "he can hear you linda"
@nicfit75: They say children are a gift from god. I'm totally wide-open to regifting.