“What’re you like in the bedroom?”
You really have to question the judgment of people who have children on purpose.
You Might Also Like
[at the club]
Her: C’mon, lets dance!
Me: Ugh, ok…one second *zips off cargo pants into shorts*
Guard: Sorry, no dogs
Man: But it’s a guide dog
Guard: Oh, ok
Guide Dog: And if you look to your left you’ll notice an insensitive jerk
Pizza Hut: May I take your order?
Me: Can you make a large pizza vegetarian?
Pizza Hut: Yes, but don’t ever call me vegetarian again.
I’m thinking about redesigning my house with a brand new family.
God: you’re a unicorn.
Unicorn: lmao corn?
God: horn. unihorn. sorry I don’t know why I said corn.
Unicorn: omg God said I’m a unicorn!
Unicorn: hello i’m one corn the horse nice to meet you rotfl.
God: [whispers] cancelled.
You know you are getting old when you have to scroll down, scroll down, and scroll down some more, to select the year you were born.
*kicks house door down* I SAID HAVE YOU ACCEPTED JESUS INTO YOUR LIFE?
I wear a ski mask wherever I go but only rob ski resorts. It’s quite ingenious really. Let me explain…
Who is Keto and why is everyone posting his shitty recipes?