[on a flight]
passenger: help, he’s having a heart attack! is anyone a doctor??
my mom: *boldly stands up* my son could have been
You said No DMs, but you didn’t say anything about stopping by.
Anyways I’m at the door.
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Me: Of course.
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Me: Start with chemistry?
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Me: I think people find me intimidating
Interviewer (nervously): maybe it has something to do with the-
Me: OMG, it has nothing to do with the giant hawk perched on my shoulder