@Wine_Honey1

You said No DMs, but you didn’t say anything about stopping by.

Anyways I’m at the door.

You Might Also Like

@PleaseBeGneiss

Teacher: you failed your spelling test, all your words are missing a t

Dracula: *pulling out doctor’s note* oh you mean the little cross?

@themiltron

[showing my pool to a friend] and this is my hole, it’s where i keep too much water

@dumbbeezie

I wish we could still defeat bullies with synchronized dancing like in the 80s

@bingowings14

As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can’t always trust Google Maps.

@abysmalkittybee

I never let people borrow my shoes, because if they walk a mile in them they’ll know how much I exaggerate my problems.

@WheelTod

[Therapy]

Me: “What do you mean I might have ‘psychopathic tendencies’?”

Therapist: “Why don’t you turn off your chainsaw, so we can hear each other better?”

@Shot_Of_Cabo

Can’t.. arguing with someone who thinks phone internet and internet internet are two different internets.

@chrisrockoz

You only live once, so don’t forget to spend 15 hours every day on the internet, desperately searching for the validation of strangers.

@jazmasta

You can use your cat as a towel. There’s no specific laws against it.