@sixthformpoet
@OctopusCaveman
Why is nobody talking about how Sia is just Hulk Hoganโs mustache?
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@OctopusCaveman
@CatsVsHumanity
ME: I thought only old people got that
DOCTOR:
ME:
DOCTOR:
ME: Oh…
@rockymomax
[having sex]
HER: tell me your fantasies
ME: I wish I was a dragon
HER: no, I mean-
ME: but instead of fire I breathe jelly beans
@rebrafsim
You’re not allowed to make up words. It’s illexical
@WowSuchDoge
Wow
So lion
Much rawr
Very majesty
@SvnSxty
dm room: tell your dad we say happy birthday!
Me: dad, my internet friends say happy birthday
Dad: internet people aren’t real friends
Me: *to dm room* he says thanks
@SteveSuckington
“U can legally stab someone if u suspect they’re a Gary.”
-no you can’t
*pulling knife from sheath*
“Sounds like somthin a Gary would say”
@Social_Mime
People buying plungers never look happy.
@AbbyHasIssues
Sorry, package of toilet paper. I’m only making one trip from the car with these grocery bags, so you’re sleeping in the car tonight.
@ChicksRule
[meeting]
Assistant: ok, so here I have a cappuccino, an americano, a soy latte and one decaf with tears of innocent children
Demon in the back: I have the soy latte