Jurassic Park III on AMC. 10 min. in, 2 young scientists studying dinosaur fossils. FOSSILS. Hey, ‘member how THERE ARE ALIVE DINOSAURS NOW?
“You stand accused of 3 counts of first degree murder.”
“Look, I’m a lot of things–”
“Are you a murderer?”
[bites lower lip]
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If your partner makes you sleep closest to the door, you are either the protector or bait for the zombies.
“Hi I’m looking for a birthday card for my mom’s sister”
*hands you an extremely small card*
“WHAT IS THIS A CARD FOR AUNTS”
‘”I’m a healthy bacteria that aids in digestion”
“Ummm…. Pssssstt!! Dude… What’s a digestion?”
– amateur biotic
I HAVE FINALLY MET MY DREAM MAN
I don’t mind when a waitress says, “Is Pepsi fine?” when I ask for some coke.
But when my drug dealer says it, it’s kind of annoying
Welcome to middle age, here’s your card. You’ll now have a favorite local weatherman and your elbows will never be pointy again.
I plan to scary-haunt anyone who says “she wouldn’t want us to be sad” at my funeral. If you’re not sad that I’m gone forever you deserve it
To the boy who proposed to me in elementary school: can we talk about this once more?
When you and your ex had plans to get married and now you both have each other blocked on everything