Me: An icicle is the perfect murder weapon. It just melts!!
He: I asked about the perfect date.
“You stand accused of 3 counts of first degree murder.”
“Look, I’m a lot of things–”
“Are you a murderer?”
[bites lower lip]
You Might Also Like
“Shrooms before brooms,” I say to the coven of stereotypical witches who have quite magically appeared in my living room.
Me five minutes ago: I’m not sure what the United Kingdom is
Me now: very good result in Newcastle Central, bodes poorly for the Tories
Some people around here retweet like it’s coming out of their booze allowance.
*I throw my hat into the ring*
Oh you wanna fight do ya?
*I throw my pants into the ring*
Pal this is gettin’ weird
*I throw my skin into th
drunk jesus: *swinging baguette wildly* You want a piece of me!?
“If I wanted to see a clown, I would have gone to the circus.”
What I actually said:
“Yes, Claire, you’re makeup looks lovely today!”
People that start a sentence with “Now I’m not trying to be rude” are either about to be rude, or about to sing Ignition by R Kelly.
If someone says, “right about now” and you don’t respond with “the funk soul brother” we can’t be friends.
Maybe she was just being paranoid, but Wendy couldn’t help feeling that she was being monitored.