*sees guy ordering pizza*
(Ur dead to me)
you stereotypes are all alike
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The greatest trick Facebook ever pulled was to convince the world we actually want to keep in touch with people we went to school with.
i just convinced a tinder boy we had the same number so i didnt have to text him
My husband called and said he wants tacos for dinner. We’ve been together for 30 years and I still can’t tell whether or not it’s a euphemism.
‘You probably have to pee soon, huh?’
~ The monster under my bed
Win every food fight by throwing heavy, dense frozen items.
just saw the gorilla thing. what kind of thoughtless, negligent parent would raise their child in ohio
Based on my family’s hatred for vegetables and always throwing them in the garbage, I hope I’m never in a coma.
ATTENTION ALABAMA RESIDENTS: tonight’s penumbral lunar eclipse is perfectly natural. The moon is undamaged. Gay people are not stealing it.
When people post about their 5 year olds, they’re talking about wine right?