Hell hath no fury like a woman who ALREADY TOLD YOU WHERE THE SCISSORS ARE
“You think I’m immature? Well, you know what! Our relationship is-”
*holds up imaginary walky-talky*
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If you like piña coladas / Getting caught in the rain / Drink this piña colada / It was caught in the rain
Dad: Where were you?
Earth wire: Hanging out with live and Neutral
Dad: You grounded
i hope my 2 grandmothers dont find out about each other
I don’t understand bow ties. What, is your neck a gift?
Word of the day – Obama. I opened a bottle of brandy and drank it Obama self.
[creation of bats]
God: stretch out that mouse
If you use the word “ridonkulous” or “ginormous,” chances are you’re a retardiot.
Which brand of vacuum cleaner would make the coolest birthday present for the wife?
Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni… That folks, is what drugs do to you.