My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It’s odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.
You think we should see other people? I’m bipolar. I am other people.
You Might Also Like
who will stop them
If a dog has puppies in a public place, can they be arrested for littering?
Twitter: You have 87 notifications
Gmail: You have 7 emails
Me: Oh FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST
Went a little too hard on leg day at the gym and the next day I couldn’t walk.
Naturally, I lied and told my friends that I met someone…
I ended it after I checked his browser history and found hundreds of video game walk-throughs. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Going to get a facial today… this guy on Craigslist is offering a way lower price than the salon!
girlfriend asks you to get wine: You’re getting laid
wife asks you to get wine: You’re getting yelled at
7yo: What are these?
Me: Cucumbers. Last week, you said you wanted to eat more healthy.
7yo: No, I meant that DAY, not all the time
Me: Time to wake up.
[13 HOURS LATER]
Me: Time to go to bed.
Kid: But, Mom, it’s 9 AM.