Losing my mind over the idea that pigeons existed before cities. Like can you imagine pigeons just hanging out in a forest? Eating bugs instead of gutter bagels? I personally just don’t buy it.
You were the hot single in your area the whole time.
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Noah’s diary – 39th day:
“The dragon pie was really scrumptious.”
Me: “Can I put this sweatshirt in the dryer?”
Wife: “Well, what does it say on it?”
Me: “Buffalo Sabres.”
Wife: “You’re an idiot”
damn girl r u internet explorer cause u r not responding
genie: long time no see, ok, you have one wish left
Geppetto: I want a real boy
genie:??? what happened to the other 2 you wished for?
2019: Keep the change
(because I’m generous)
2020: Keep the change
(because I’m not touching that)
Thousands of married racists are waking up this morning and questioning the skin color of their spouse.
I don’t mean to brag but my stalker has OCD so he trims my bushes while he’s hiding in them waiting for me to get home.
Ever since CATS come out things have been way off
Everything doesn’t “happen for a reason.” The universe is not aware of your existence. Stop being arrogant.