I teach curse words and racial slurs to children whose parents allow them to run around restaurants.
You won’t believe this, kids, but TV used to end. Every day. They played the national anthem, and then it just…stopped. Scary, huh?
You Might Also Like
Twice baked potatoes
-if Bubba grew up on a potato farm instead of a shrimp boat
I wish my wife’s milkshakes brought the boys to the yard. I need someone to rake the leaves.
*6 hours of Russian roulette*
Me: “I think I forgot to load a bullet in this gun.”
Cats being cats.
I buy blocks of cheese.
For the grater good.
If you ever say ‘I seen’ in a sentence. I will never sleep with you.
Under any circumstances.
*including zombie apocalypse
Cashier: would you like a receipt?
Me, suddenly realizing I have nothing in my pockets to throw away when I get home: yes
i’m an idiot but secretly a genius but even more secretly than that, i’m an idiot