@wolfpupy: you'd think someone who calls themselves a rat-catcher by trade would be more prepared for having a rat thrown at them, just goes to show people aren't always who they say they are.
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@KimmyMonte: [sees my husband cry as i walk down the aisle at our wedding] hey, this priest bothering you?
@ArfMeasures: Wife: Hey *waking me up* you got really drunk last night Me: You can't prove that Taco Bell employee: No we can
@philyuck: Hi I'm here for my vasectomy. "Would you like that toasted?" What? "Haha whoops sorry, just came from my other job. Ok let's do this."