zordon: YOU ARE MY POWER RANGERS
9th graders: whoa!
zordon: HERE ARE THE KEYS TO THE MEGAZORD
9th graders: but we don’t even have our driver’s licens–
zordon: GO GO POWER RANGERS
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Now that oil is so cheap, we should start drilling for black printer ink.
If a serial killer commits suicide, you can console his family by saying,
“hey, at least he died doing what he loved”
TRUMP: if elected i’ll build a protective wall. I’ll call it the great wall
*advisor whispers in his ear*
i’ll call it the really great wall
‘The cat is up on your counters again.’
~The monster under my bed.
Dentist: ok open up
“Well I guess it all started when my dad left…”
Dentist: no I mean-
Assistant: wait bill…let him finish
judge: your word is problematic
me: then maybe give me a different word
Please. Danger is my middle name.
“What’s your first name?”
No wine. No peace.
Know wine. Know peace.
Kylie Jenner is having a Handmaids Tale themed birthday party and Justin Bieber wants to fight Tom Cruise and boy howdy is that meteor late