@causticbob

#YouHadOneJob #SuperBowlXLIX

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@_elvishpresley_

zordon: YOU ARE MY POWER RANGERS

9th graders: whoa!

zordon: HERE ARE THE KEYS TO THE MEGAZORD

9th graders: but we don’t even have our driver’s licens–

zordon: GO GO POWER RANGERS

@TheMichaelRock

Now that oil is so cheap, we should start drilling for black printer ink.

@SteveSuckington

If a serial killer commits suicide, you can console his family by saying,
“hey, at least he died doing what he loved”

@Brampersandon_

TRUMP: if elected i’ll build a protective wall. I’ll call it the great wall
*advisor whispers in his ear*
i’ll call it the really great wall

@PaperWash

Dentist: ok open up

“Well I guess it all started when my dad left…”

Dentist: no I mean-

Assistant: wait bill…let him finish

@garrykerls

[spelling bee]

judge: your word is problematic

me: then maybe give me a different word

@NicestHippo

Please. Danger is my middle name.
“What’s your first name?”
Avoids

@AngryBlackLady

Kylie Jenner is having a Handmaids Tale themed birthday party and Justin Bieber wants to fight Tom Cruise and boy howdy is that meteor late