That awkward moment when your stormtrooper army loses a battle to a bunch of teddy bears with sticks and stones.
“You’ll sleep when I’m dead” — my phone
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Me:I think I just saw the main guy from Transformers you know, ol’ what’s his name
Friend: Shia Lebouff
Me: Yeah, the one whose a truck
Meltdowns are what happens when you compartmentalize your thoughts, but forget to label them.
Please boss, tell us again how important it is the company gets to $3 billion in revenue. I bought an 18 pack of beer with dimes last night.
Sure he’s handsome, funny, smart, charming and successful, but can he fit 54 M&M’s in his mouth at once?
I didn’ fink fo
NASA: How’s it looking up there, guys?
ASTRONAUT: I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.
FROG: [lost in his spacesuit] I’m struggling tbh.
Last week I chopped my neighbour’s tree and now it’s growing back because his-tree repeats itself…
My husband said I need a scary costume for Halloween this year, so I’m dressing up as a Positive Pregnancy Test.
Me: I’d like to see your music zebras
Piano salesman: Please don’t, I’ve had a long day
thread of this specific and very funny sense of humor: