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@sara_ashlynn: Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday.
Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
@AstroKatie: You gotta feel for kids today, growing up in a world where all the good screen names are already taken
@MissMalbec: Don't try to fix your computer the same day you quit drinking. You. Will. Relapse.
@PaperWash: How is there not an STD Clinic called, "Clap on Clap off"?
@towelforacape: I say 'tomato', you say 'put your hands where I can see them and exit the vehicle slowly' .
@jctwritesstuff: *sets cauldron over crackling fire*
*adds lock of his hair*
*does magicky stuff*
Now love me.
*my left eyebrow falls off*