@shash_____

“Your beard really brings out your jawline” isn’t an appropriate compliment to put in her Valentine’s Day card, apparently!

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@thesupergrobi

My boyfriend thinks I’m not funny. Whatever, at least I’m a real person.

@FredTaming

me: you’re killing it

my murderer: that’s so nice of you to say

@JimmerThatisAll

This day in history. 1888. Police received the “From Hell” letter from Jack the Ripper threatening further monstrous attacks on the English language.

@notalogin

Me: You should know I’m alliterate
Her: You mean illiterate?
Me: No, not necessessfully

@MoneypennyNaked

Married girls are so lucky. They can post anything they want on here because they already tricked some dumb guy into marrying them.

@AsgardianRose

The hardest part of being Darth Vader is never being able to sneak up on anyone because your theme music started playing.

@3KidsNoJoke

Biden: I locked him in the bathroom, run!

Obama: Joe! You can’t…Give me the keys! Joe!

Joe: WHEEEE!

#bidenmeme #Election2016