“Your beard really brings out your jawline” isn’t an appropriate compliment to put in her Valentine’s Day card, apparently!

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My boyfriend thinks I’m not funny. Whatever, at least I’m a real person.


me: you’re killing it

my murderer: that’s so nice of you to say


This day in history. 1888. Police received the “From Hell” letter from Jack the Ripper threatening further monstrous attacks on the English language.


Me: You should know I’m alliterate
Her: You mean illiterate?
Me: No, not necessessfully


Married girls are so lucky. They can post anything they want on here because they already tricked some dumb guy into marrying them.


The hardest part of being Darth Vader is never being able to sneak up on anyone because your theme music started playing.


Biden: I locked him in the bathroom, run!

Obama: Joe! You can’t…Give me the keys! Joe!


#bidenmeme #Election2016