Nothing says ” My divorce didn’t go as planned ” quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars
Your face. There’s a bat for that.
You Might Also Like
I have never in my life tried to pronounce an L so hard than when asking my dad for the “caulk”
[creating a sloth]
God: Take that roadkill over there and make it blink
[at airport Subway]
One footlong before my flight to Zurich
“American or Swiss?”
I’m flying Swiss
“I mean for cheese?”
No, for business
Sorry I called you an imbecile.
I should’ve realized I would have to explain to you what that means.
SERGEANT [on the radio]: mayday mayday we’ve located an enemy hotspot
ME [bullets dinging my helmet]: oooh get the password Sarge
“Bring forth the sacrifice. The ritual must proceed.”
Airport moving sidewalks are great for when you only want to feel like George Jetson for 10 seconds before you’re back to Fred Flintstone.
I bet Fred Flintstone wishes he had a Fitbit.
I 100% subscribe to this philosophy