Your favourite character is Baby Yoda. Mine is Darth Vader. We are not the same.

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riddler: check out aquaman’s new tweet: “on my way to destroy the legion of doom with fam”

lex luthor: you follow aquaman? LOL

others: LOL


Me: Most of all, remember to be kind to yourself. You deserve it.

Neighbor: If you don’t stay out of my heating duct I’m calling the cops.


[Dollar Store Interview]
“What are your qualifications?”

[Slides over a dollar]
“Cashier job is yours”

[Slides $2]
“Welcome to Management”


Me: it’s sunny! Maybe I’ll get a tan!

My face: *activate freckles*


Don’t get how mosquitoes can be so buzzy and annoying but also bite me 10,000 times without me noticing


Why is America trying to bomb the lady who lives in my iPhone she seems nice


I used to have a desk with great selfie lighting and then I changed jobs for personal fulfilment.

I wouldn’t recommend it.


Boss: You’re late!

M: It’s 6.30am

B: You start at 6am!

M: I know but that’s just crazy. This is better for me.

And now we wait for HR.