@ShellHasDragons

Your favourite character is Baby Yoda. Mine is Darth Vader. We are not the same.

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@iamburtjarvis

riddler: check out aquaman’s new tweet: “on my way to destroy the legion of doom with fam”

lex luthor: you follow aquaman? LOL

others: LOL

@BallsMcBallski

Me: Most of all, remember to be kind to yourself. You deserve it.

Neighbor: If you don’t stay out of my heating duct I’m calling the cops.

@TheRolo

[Dollar Store Interview]
“What are your qualifications?”

[Slides over a dollar]
“Cashier job is yours”

[Slides $2]
“Welcome to Management”

@lottie_fly_x

Me: it’s sunny! Maybe I’ll get a tan!

My face: *activate freckles*

@JeffKasanoff

Don’t get how mosquitoes can be so buzzy and annoying but also bite me 10,000 times without me noticing

@lazerdoov

Why is America trying to bomb the lady who lives in my iPhone she seems nice

@PinkCamoTO

I used to have a desk with great selfie lighting and then I changed jobs for personal fulfilment.

I wouldn’t recommend it.

@Vice_Queen

Boss: You’re late!

M: It’s 6.30am

B: You start at 6am!

M: I know but that’s just crazy. This is better for me.

And now we wait for HR.