@dumbbeezie: Your friends will stand by you even when you’re at your worst because people are stupid
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@_davidlucas_: *Buying flowers* Sales girl: Would you like the receipt? Me: Sure! If they don't work, I'll be bringing them back.
@david8hughes: Apple was started in a garage. Google started out in a basement. Samsung was started inside an old shoe. Sony used to be a split bin bag. What’s your excuse? Adidas was two fish stapled together. Get your shit together.
@drinksmcgee: If there isn’t a Witches Coven named “Wiccan Awesome” located in the Boston area, I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.
@simoncholland: Based on all the white smoke billowing out, I think my lawn mower just picked a new pope.