@TheToddWilliams Kid: WAAAHH! MY TOY IS BROKEN!!
Dad: Nothing a little duct tape won’t fix…
Kid: mfflr..frrrr..strnnn
@DominicStraw Your password doesn’t remember you either. He moved on. He’s someone else’s password now.
Your password doesn’t remember you either. He moved on. He’s someone else’s password now.
- @DominicStraw
funnytweeter.comYou Might Also Like
@TheToddWilliams 
@Colleen_Wright me: interested in how the sun shines in our new apartment
boyfriend:
@AbbyHasIssues I like to put up Christmas decorations in stages. This is the stage where I sit on the couch with lasagna and stare at the boxes.
@rad_milk taking a hotdog out of the microwave and checking it with a meat thermometer then frowning and putting it back in
@zebrasyndicate Me: …so anyway, the doctor said I might be lactose intolerant
Mom: *hysterical crying*
Dad: you’re a disgrace to the State of Wisconsin. Don’t come home for Thanksgiving. *slams down phone*
@Megatronic13 [stranded on a desert island]
*plane flies over head and drops a letter*
Me: omg I’m going to be rescued!
*opens letter*
we’re just reaching out to you about your car’s extended warrantyMe: Sonofa-
@datassque white people get red in the winter cause the wind too spicy
@brokenfuIly i wanna look like a snack this summer but i keep eating them
@Pirate_nurse It’s 6 am and I’ve already referred to a patient as “the one with the tig ol biddies”…wonder what time HR gets here
@shutupmikeginn Very problematic
