You sneeze, and a tiny book titled “A spiders guide to navigating the human brain” shoots out your nose. You faintly hear a spider cussing.
Your password doesn’t remember you either. He moved on. He’s someone else’s password now.
You Might Also Like
*smokes fat doobie*
*enters hotdog eating contest*
*sets Guinness World Record*
*gets disqualified for using performance-enhancing drugs*
[Obama giving Trump the White House tour]
O: and here’s the toaster, it tends to stick so don’t be afraid to jam a fork in to get it workin
daaaaang i look good
I think semi-colons have gotten a bad rap. They should be re-branded as super-commas.
Guys, I have to stop cyber-bullying North Korea. They called my mom.
Mom’s car ran out of coolant and now it’s driving like a humongous nerd.
We’re born alone. We die alone. And in between we search for our car keys alone.
It’s too bad my sister wasn’t kinder to me in middle school.
**orders nephew a bullhorn for Christmas**
[describing criminal to sketch artist]
He wore the grin of a man who has never fallen off a ladder. His knees felt like reheated custard.