@JoParkerBear: Your phone dying is god's way of telling you to plug it into an outlet and lie in an awkward position so you can continue doing whatever it is you're going to hell for
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@kwirkyKerri: Sex on the beach means sand everywhere. You just do not want extreme exfoliation in some areas.
@bourgeoisalien: [walking down street with date after dinner] him: i had a great time me: yep... [gestures towards garbage truck] welp, this is me [jumps in]
@Holy_Mowgli: Bruce Banner with his hand stuck in a Pringles can, getting more and more frustrated