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@InternetHippo: "you're an adult why do you watch cartoons" bc cartoons are infinitely more relatable
movie: character encounters a problem and effectively resolves it in 2 hours
cartoon: just insane bullshit happening all the time and it's on for 20 years
@daplusk: [on 1st date] Me: Have you ever flown to Paris on a private jet before? Her: No, I'd love to Me: Same Me: *shows photo of cat* this is Tim
@WakeVII: OMG you guys! Almost hit a jogger while i was taking a selfie and driving today...so please you guys, be careful, do NOT jog.
@WilliamAder: Spending the day removing $1.6 billion worth of stuff from my Amazon shopping cart.
@jeannerbeaner: 95% of pet ownership is just saying "hello" to them in various tones.
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