A good rule of thumb is that if you see a headline saying something “breaks the laws of physics” the headline is wrong
You’re either passionately pro or anti-cilantro, there is no middle ground.
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sperm bank employee: is he [ear to the wall] is he listening to the full house theme song
And then the Lord said unto thee “any social media site besides Facebook asking for prayers shall go unanswered.”
Everyone on this website is always like, “Eat the rich,” but then Carol Baskin feeds her millionaire husband to a tiger and it’s a problem, hypocrites
I grew up for this?
Ways To Win My Heart:
1) Be smoking hot
2) Be thin
3) Be a pig
4) Be bacon
Date: do you wanna come up for coffee?
Me: no thanks. I hate stairs
Date: coffee means sex
Me: how many stairs?
In my 32 years this is what I’ve learned about women:
1.) “No” means no
2.) “Maybe” means no
3.) “Yes” means maybe
youtube led me to this guy who opens old military ration kits. he just ate a cracker from the civil war. im locked in for this quarantine