@birbigs: "You're joking about calling it Good Friday, right? I told you the part about the nails?" -Jesus #GoodFriday
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@david8hughes: As a fireman, I'm constantly asked questions like, "Can you please stop flexing & put out that fire?"
@2014longview: Cop pulled me over said "papers" I replied with "scissors, I win" and drove off. Now I'm doing hard time on the rock.
@LeBearGirdle: Wife: [holding old dog] I thought you took care of this yesterday Stormtrooper husband: *looks out back to see gun marks all over the yard*