@birbigs: "You're joking about calling it Good Friday, right? I told you the part about the nails?" -Jesus #GoodFriday
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@junejuly12: Him: What are you doing tomorrow? Me: I was thinking maybe a chocolate croissant for breakfast. Him: *sighs* Me: Oh, you mean between meals.
@CakeThrottle: Today I learned that wolves are not ticklish. Tomorrow I need to learn how to tie my shoes with one hand.
@Freudianscript: When speaking to your wife, always end with, "but i could be wrong," this way when she says you're wrong, you'll be right for a change.