@badAzz_mom: You're not allowed to say "long story short" after talking for 30 minutes.
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@Zaius13: The most embarrassing part about farting myself awake was that it was the most interesting aspect of my PowerPoint presentation.
@lisaxy424: my dog when its nice out: *jumps in pond, rolls in dirt, eats goose poo* when raining: MADAM how DARE u take me into these AWFUL conditions
@Cali_Kid_Mike: "You clean up nicely", is just a polite way of saying, "You usually look like shit."