ROBIN: How come you wear dark colors but make me wear a bright yellow cape?
BATMAN: [under his breath] It’s called a bullet magnet.
You’re not allowed to say “long story short” after talking for 30 minutes.
You Might Also Like
Nana’s house is getting real bad, you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting another dead cat.
No, I don’t want to hang out at your house. Your pot to snacks ratio is all off.
Superman: Cool underwater lair. Can I use the bathroom?
Aquaman: The what?
If a boy mentions a sport to me I use the opportunity to impress him with my sports knowledge.
Boy: I’m playing softball with the guys.
Me: Softball is a sport.
I lost my voice.
If whoever finds it could resume screaming at my ex-husband, that would be much appreciated.
did u fall from heaven bc so did satan
How many boxes of Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
Me: I slay werewolves for a living.
Date: Haha, always joking around. Anyway, I read that tweet you sent to me, it was so funny, I howled!
Me: *Unsheathing silver cutlass* You What??
My niece likes movies about talking animals so I bought her something called The Human Centipede. Sounds cute.