@badAzz_mom
@YuckyTom [pronouncing the ‘h’ in exhausted until my boss sends me home]
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@YuckyTom 
@InternetHippo 1996: Why do they call the internet “the web”
20 years later, trapped & unable to leave: Oh
@Darlainky I eat the fries that are loose at the bottom of the bag first. That’s what they get for trying to escape.
@hattiesoykan naming a dragon drogon is the most lazy thing I’ve ever heard lmao pls meet my dog, deg
@stevevsninjas Sir, your wife was stabbed ten times, but the missing piece is the murder weapon. So far we have nothing, Mr *checks notes* Scissorhands.
@stephenjmolloy Job interviewer: “Why do you want to join the Secret Service?”
Me: “It’s a secret.”
Job interviewer: “You got the job.”
@chuuew Isn’t it annoying when someone sits next to you in an empty cinema? I didn’t think so but that’s what my new best friend is telling security
@CoolCamel69 wherever this dart lands is where I’ll take a trip to
*throws dart and it lands on Hogwarts poster*
oh, well this is going to be difficult
@mudpaperscissor Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?
@Whitnuts I always try to tell myself that I don’t actually hate people as much as I say I do…and then I go to the mall.