You’re pretty cocky for someone with such a small…


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[Last supper]
*breaks bread* This is my body
*pours wine* This is my blood
*plays Montell Jordan* THIS IS HOW WE DO IT
*Apostles go nuts*


The lady at the bakery who draws her eyebrows on is looking extra surprised today


This is the tale of Callie who started a service to provide fortune telling and hypnotism while driving people around. As time went on her clairvoyance weakened but her suggestive power grew.


Uber Callie fragile mystic expert at hypnosis


Sometimes I purposefully dress my toddler in mismatched pajamas just to make my wife’s head explode.


I thought secret rooms would play a bigger role in my adult life. Like the kind of room you access by pulling a book on a shelf or pressing a certain stone on a wall or pulling on a sconce. Also where are all the trap doors?

Hostage negotiator: I don’t quite get your demands.


*puts salt and pepper in shopping cart, pushes real good


Yesterday was the shortest day of the year until I read your blog.