You’re telling me that you paid eight dollars for a cup of coffee…

They don’t put any booze in it or nothin?

You Might Also Like


Shout out to my body for reminding me that, while I’m too old to have the tiny waist of a 15yo, I’m not too old for a pimple on the forehead


“If you have a ministry like Jesus it will probably be made up of about 12 people who don’t get your illustrations, & 1 wants to kill you.”


Personally, I think Lance Armstrong should keep his trophies and awards.

Last time I rode a bike on drugs I ended up in my neighbors bushes


dad: I can’t find my glasses, can you read what this says for me?
me: “Dad do you want to go to Home Depot”
dad: [voice catching] Sure son


My doctor told me to avoid unnecessary stress, so I stopped going to doctors.


[job interview]

What’s your biggest weakness?

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! Sorry about that. Questions, definitely questions.


You’d think the people in front of me at this self-checkout were trying to operate a nuclear reactor