Did you know that McDonald’s once sold a burger named after the Hamburglar? It was discontinued however because the meat was too robbery.
YouTube DIY videos be like “turn this $1 pallet into a beautiful dining table with 14 thousand dollars worth of tools”
You Might Also Like
A salesman knocked on my door today.
“Who currently provides your Internet?” he asked.
I said, “My next door neighbour.”
Nope, that’s a tampon. Another tampon. Tampon. Jesus, how many tampons do I have in here?!
-me trying to blindly grab the chapstick in my purse
You could probably master Mandarin while waiting on the last bit of laundry detergent to drizzle into the cap.
I needed some gas for my mower so I snuck over to my neighbor’s shed, on the gas can there was a note that said it’s empty go get your own gas Marc. So I took his mower instead.
Me with a mouth full of chips: Oh man my gym is closed
12:00am – Government shuts down
12:01am – Saying “Merry Christmas” is illegal again
12:02am – All student loan balances go to zero
12:03am – It is now legal to marry marijuana
12:04am – Tide Pods become sentient
If they can put a man on the moon they can make a pair of glasses that scream before you sit on them
Of course climate change is man-made. It’s all been meticulously orchestrated by the Titanic survivors, seeking revenge on that iceberg.
My family doesn’t get together a lot during the holidays.
We see each other enough throughout the year at all the interventions.