If you break a mirror is it 7 years bad luck for you or the person whose head you just smashed it over?
Him: Pack your go-bag. No nonessentials.
Like 4 of his hoodies
800 thread count sheets
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Mispronouncing words is my Ukulele’s Heel.
If “she’ll be riding six white horses when she comes”, she’s probably a little more woman than I can handle.
5: “Why is the moon so bright?”
Me: “It’s not, it’s pretty dim actually.”
Moon: “I heard that.”
*finds own number on a bathroom stall*
Call for a good time!? This is outrageous!
*crosses out good; writes in GREAT*
I: Hope I’m disturbing you
M: You are
I: You know what we could do?
M: Let me sleep?
I: HA, no, let’s think about hippos
The beginning is all romance & flowers, but after about 10 yrs it’s mostly just checking each other’s backs for suspicious moles.
ME: Get in line, buddy.
ME: *panicking* OMG, WHAT GREAT TRAGEDY HAS BEFALLEN YOU, MR. NIBBLES?
What if animals were injured in the making of a film. would it say ”Tim hurt one monkey… he feels bad.”
going to the gym to throw donuts at all the skinny people