@Hypercraxy: I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I'm sexy." Then I just wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
"What's wrong honey?"
My bad knee is acting up again.
*knee robs a gas station*
@NicestHippo: If you think you're bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
@miss_foofoo: I never understood why people get buried in suits. When I die bury me in my PJ's. If I'm gonna be sleeping that long I wanna be comfortable.
@RunJeffreyRun: I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him.
@Book_Krazy: *Arrives at work 2 hrs late
Boss: HR wants to see you about your behavior
Me: Well, I literally just got here so it couldn't have been me
@_davidlucas_: He goes out for a run, and doesn't even stop to sniff any crotches.
Humans are weird.
@sad_tree: *sees guy dressed as ghost for Halloween*
Hey buddy thats not funny, my grandma is a ghost