Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

@noog: [outside eden]
Adam: This isnt so bad
Eve: Yea
Adam: [mosquito lands on arm] Wtf is this

[5 min later]
Adam: [banging on gates] WE’RE SORRY

@Jasmin_Tatts: Yes officer I know it seems like a lot for personal use.

@EliBraden: 71-yr-old Jimmy Page is dating a 25-yr-old. The age difference may seem huge now, but it won't be as big a deal when she's 28 and he's dead.

@hipchkk: A decepticon is a just a cheeky emoticon at the end of a message intended to excuse the sender and confuse the recipient.

Ex: Please die ;)

@dubstep4dads: ZOMBIE 1: why do we eat brains?
ZOMBIE 2: because. It's food for thought! haha
ZOMBIE 1: [sigh]

@Adar79Angie: Local news : box full of kittens mistaken for a bomb. I have to go to this town. I may be mistaken for Megan Fox.

@emmatheist: [Google search history]
How to kill moles
How to make homemade bombs
Rescue moles from cave-in
Dealing with regret
Mole stew

@DanMentos: what idiot called it tinted windows instead of a drug car tell

@stockejock: I just danced like no Juan was watching, but he totally was and he cut off the tequila then threw me out of his restaurant you guys.

@HeyZeus666: I’d never snoop through my girlfriend’s phone out of love, a deep respect and the inability to crack her password.