@dshack8: 'He looks just like you' is my favorite way to tell someone that their baby is ugly.
@radtoria: "Penguins mate for life. Isn't that romantic?"
You open your mouth to answer but I spit my chewed up cake into it.
"You're my penguin."
@LosLos__: My parenting book would be just a series of "Shhh" with different lengths and punctuation for various occasions.
@missekay: *decides to workout*
*lays on ground to do sit-up*
*find skittle on ground*
@faizziy: Apparently "You should Google it" isn't the best response when she asks how much do you love me?
Sigh, women are so demanding..
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: What does that cloud look like to you?
3-year-old: A cloud.
Me: No, what do you imagine it could be?
@StinkyGr33n: I carry one of those tiny Swiss Army knives with me at all times. You never know when you'll need a tiny blade to thwart an attacker.