@WittySassBasket: I HAVE A LITTLE MERMAID BAND-AID UNDER MY EYE CAUSE I'M IN A GANG NOW.
@eddiesteadyno: at library
ME: This book wasn't helpful at all!
LIBRARIAN: Why? What's the problem?
BIRD: [mockingly] "Why? What's the problem?"
@okimstillhungry: “Do you want to hold my baby?”
Yeah nice try. You got yourself into this mess you hold your own damn baby.
@Parkerlawyer: *buys almond milk*
"I'm gonna get healthy!"
*drinks almond milk*
"This is gross."
*pours Hershey's chocolate syrup in milk*
@handsock_butts: [Amphibian Playground]
BULLFROG: look at all u lil toad nerds
TOAD: help! a BULLYfrog!
TEACHER SNAKE: i'll handle this *eats everyone*
@mommy_cusses: Parenting Tip: Wear clothing with pockets so you can flip off your children inconspicuously.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [purposefully keeps messing up my hot dog eating scene]
director: cut! [sighs] bring in another hot dog, take 11
@ashmensch: This lady at the Edible Arrangement store acts like no one's ever asked for a corn dog bouquet before.
@weinerdog4life: I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never, oh you knocked me down again, you are being very rude