@occupied_stall
Trying to watch what I eat again so I just ate an entire loaf of bread with half a jar of Nutella I’d say that’s a good start
@occupied_stall
@caitiedelaney
“Endorphins” after working out is a scam, one is simply happy that they are no longer working out
@DocAtCDI
Little Red Riding Hood found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but shes not out of the woods yet.
@PopeAwesomeXIII
Twitter: Worchest… Worce… Woostishire, haha this word is so hard to spell, am I right?
Also Twitter: GIMME ALL THE SRIRACHA
@NomDeBenoit
explaining “the ring” movie to younger generations
me: so you watch this video cassette
them: a what?
m: and then you get a phonecall
t: oh please god no
@Wieneraaron
Remember when times were precedented.
@MCrisis2020
[runs across garage floor in wet flip flops]
– adds stuntman to resume
@adamgreattweet
I have two kinds of followers
@ccase91
Linkin Park implies the existence of Linkin Neutral, Linkin Reverse, and Linkin Drive.
@iGreenGod
Me: I am great at identifying birds.
She: ok, what are those on that tree?
Me: yes, they are all birds.