If my dad were still alive today I’m sure he’d be really pissed off over that whole cremation thing.
Twitter poet: she was made of starstuff
Me: soooooo gas?
I’ve been told in the past that training with cats was difficult. It’s really not. Mine had me trained within a day.
A wise man once said if you understand why pizza is round, placed in a square box, and eaten as a triangle you will also understand falling victim to reading a long meaningless tweet and then share it in hopes of making someone else a victim of the tweeters cruel game.
Prayers for my 4yo who despite many attempts is currently unable to remove his nose
“And we’re back at the Baby Walking Finals!”
“Our next competitor is attempting a 3 inch step…”
“He got his right foot down firmly and the grandparents are impressed. Can he stick the landing?”
“He’s coming down with his left foot and… Ohhhhh he’s fallen flat on his face!”
The CEO of IKEA has been elected the Prime Minister of Sweden…He’s currently assembling his cabinet.
Normalize men wearing sundresses to summer parties so they can comfortably eat more
Corgis are great when you want a wolf that’s a loaf of bread.
I’m at the age where getting lost in the moment probably means early onset dementia