@AndyJokedAgain
guy who ruins jokes: what are you cooking
chef: updog
guy who ruins jokes: oh i love that
@AndyJokedAgain
@Shwetangles
While the Americans are in a food coma, we should switch Twitter and Facebook displays around. Give their hearts a jumpstart.
@Lisabug74
I forgot the word “turkey”so I asked the butcher for 20 pounds of oversized angry bird gobble gobble meat.
@JPLFR80
My weightloss journey will be before pictures only.
@curlymalloy
The Turkey took our temperature before he would come out of the oven!!!
@SweetBlueNote
*visits random websites just for the cookies*
@chrisdowning
Welcome back to another episode of Did I Close the Ziplock Bag Properly?
@OMGSoOverIt
My mother-in-law showed up 3 hours early for Thanksgiving.
-my suicide note
@adamgreattweet
one taught me love
one taught me patience
and one taught me pain
@TheAlexNevil
Obi Wan: You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Luke: Obviously you haven’t been to Black Friday at Walmart.