Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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@Ryanfc706: No one has seen you look worse than the gas station closest to your house.

@RadiationGhoul: My dad is helping me clean my apartment. He picked up my vr controller and asked "Do I wanna know what this is? I'm not judging"

Please send help, I'm am deceased.

@Shenaniglenns: You look like a snack:
-way overused
-not specific enough
-not enough affectionate noises

You look like a moose:
-a very cute moose
-make all the boy moose go HWAAAAH

@BinaryBad: I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

@: MY MAMA DIDN’T RAISE A QUITTER!!!! she raised: ᵃ ᴾʳᵒᶜʳᵃˢᵗᶦⁿᵃᵗᵒʳ

@sir_shithead_I: When I was younger I was convinced by the time I was this age I'd need a lawyer on retainer, so I'm not sure if I'm winning or sucking at adulting.

@ThatBrenna: It takes 72 hours to make a rare steak in an Easy Bake oven so my dinner party might be delayed a bit.

@Lisabug74: I had the best time at the carnival last night until a local told me that burned down thirty years ago.

@JeffMyspace: Letting your friend have the last mozzarella stick is the ultimate snackrifice