@iYoungKhalifa: 1 in 3 Americans, weighs as much as the other 2...!!
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@msdanifernandez: Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
@BlindChow: [hospital] Looks like ur Vine went viral. "Yay!" Sorry ur VEIN went viral…you have a fatal blood disease. "So wait–my Vine didn't go viral?"
@JermHimselfish: Me: And then, for absolutely no reason, they changed the stars to hearts! We were all so mad Syrian Refugee: omg please send me back
@kumailn: Why didn't we learn about essential oils in school? I mean, that shit is ESSENTIAL. Should've been the first lesson!